They're dreadfully
fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
left alive!
She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether
she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious
appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after
watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to
herself - It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.
- How are you getting on? - said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
enough for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. - It's no use
speaking to it, - she thought, - till its ears have come, or at least one
of them. - In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad she
had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
- I don't think they play at all fairly, - Alice began, in rather a
complaining tone, - and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
oneself speak - and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at
least, if there are, nobody attends to them - and you've no idea how
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the arch
I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground -
and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran
away when it saw mine coming?
- How do you like the Queen? - said the Cat in a low voice.
- Not at all, - said Alice: - she's so extremely - Just then she
noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on, -
likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.
The Queen smiled and passed on. - Who ARE you talking to? - said the
King, going up to Alice, and looking at the Cat's head with great
curiosity.
- It's a friend of mine - a Cheshire Cat, - said Alice: - allow me to
introduce it.
- I don't like the look of it at all, - said the King: - however, it
may kiss my hand if it likes.
- I'd rather not, - the Cat remarked.
- Don't be impertinent, - said the King, - and don't look at me like
that! - He got behind Alice as he spoke.
- A cat may look at a king, - said Alice. - I've read that in some
book, but I don't remember where.
- Well, it must be removed, - said the King very decidedly, and he
called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, - My dear! I wish you
would have this cat removed!
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or
small. - Off with his head! - she said, without even looking round.
- I'll fetch the executioner myself, - said the King eagerly, and he
hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was
going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with
passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look of
things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which
seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with
the other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to
the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a
helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the
fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: - but it doesn't
matter much, - thought Alice, - as all the arches are gone from the side
of the ground. - So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
friend.
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find
quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on
between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at
once, while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what
they said.
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head
unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do
such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life.
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in
less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this
last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but - It belongs to the
Duchess: you'd better ask HER about it.
- She's in prison, - the Queen said to the executioner: - fetch her
here. - And the executioner went off like an arrow.
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, by the
time he had disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and
down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.



CHAPTER IX

The Mock Turtle's Story

- You can't think you glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!
- said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and
they walked off together.
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and
thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her
so savage when they met in the kitchen.
- When I'M a Duchess, - she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful
tone though), - I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does
very well without - Maybe it's always pepper that makes people
hot-tempered, - she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new
kind of rule, - and vinegar that makes them sour - and camomile that makes
them bitter - and - and barley-sugar and such things that make children
sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so
stingy about it, you know
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. - You're thinking
about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell
you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.
- Perhaps it hasn't one, - Alice ventured to remark.
- Tut, tut, child! - said the Duchess. - Everything's got a moral, if
only you can find it. - And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side
as she spoke.
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the right
height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably
sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well
as she could.
- The game's going on rather better now, - she said, by way of
keeping up the conversation a little.
- 'Tis so, - said the Duchess: - and the moral of that is - Oh, 'tis
love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!
- Somebody said, - Alice whispered, - that it's done by everybody
minding their own business!
- Ah, well! It means much the same thing, - said the Duchess, digging
her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, - and the moral
of THAT is - Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
themselves.
- How fond she is of finding morals in things! - Alice thought to
herself.
- I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your
waist, - the Duchess said after a pause: - the reason is, that I'm
doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?
- HE might bite, - Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all
anxious to have the experiment tried.
- Very true, - said the Duchess: - flamingoes and mustard both bite.
And the moral of that is - Birds of a feather flock together.
- Only mustard isn't a bird, - Alice remarked.
- Right, as usual, - said the Duchess: - what a clear way you have of
putting things!
- It's a mineral, I THINK, - said Alice.
- Of course it is, - said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
everything that Alice said; - there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
the moral of that is - The more there is of mine, the less there is of
yours.
- Oh, I know! - exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last
remark, - it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.
- I quite agree with you, - said the Duchess; - and the moral of that
is - Be what you would seem to be - or if you'd like it put more simply -
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to
others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what
you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.
- I think I should understand that better, - Alice said very
politely, - if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you
say it.
- That's nothing to what I could say if I chose, - the Duchess
replied, in a pleased tone.
- Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that, - said
Alice.
- Oh, don't talk about trouble! - said the Duchess. - I make you a
present of everything I've said as yet.
- A cheap sort of present! - thought Alice. - I'm glad they don't
give birthday presents like that! - But she did not venture to say it out
loud.
- Thinking again? - the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
little chin.
- I've a right to think - said Alice sharply, for she was beginning
to feel a little worried.
- Just about as much right, - said the Duchess, - as pigs have to
fly; and the m
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away,
even in the middle of her favourite word - moral, - and the arm that was
linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the
Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a
thunderstorm.
- A fine day, your Majesty! - the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
- Now, I give you fair warning, - shouted the Queen, stamping on the
ground as she spoke; - either you or your head must be off, and that in
about half no time! Take your choice!
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment. - Let's go on
with the game, - the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was too much
frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back
to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost
them their lives.
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling
with the other players, and shouting - Off with his head! - or - Off with
her head! - Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the
soldiers, who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that
by the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the
players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under
sentence of execution.
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, -
Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet? - No, - said Alice. - I don't even know
what a Mock Turtle is. - It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from, -
said the Queen. - I never saw one, or heard of one, - said Alice. - Come
on, then, - said the Queen, - and he shall tell you his history,
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice,
to the company generally, - You are all pardoned.
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